Looking back these past four years I can’t stop thinking about how many opportunities I missed and it’s been bringing me down now that I’m in a completely different environment where I’m yearning to go back to school. Even though school is over, it doesn’t mean that learning and pushing myself is over. If anything, not being in an academic environment should push me even more to learn so with that I’ve started planning out the steps I need to take to where I want to be and I’m just going to stick with it no matter what other people say or what other people are doing. I know the person I am and I know I want to dabble in all sorts of things that interest me and my friends but in the end what really matters is what I do. I shouldn’t be completely oblivious to the achievements and ambitions of others, but I’m not going to let that dictate my life. I’m not going to cry about how so-and-so is off doing great things because that 1) person probably honestly deserves it 2) you don’t share the same passions and  you can’t compare apples to oranges.

So with that I’m feeling some kind of serious introspection is in order. Go off and pull a Siddhartha Gautama or something.

P.S. Emails and texts are always appreciated, I’m not trying to cut myself from the ENTIRE world. And I’ve decided to open up my Twitter so people don’t think I’m a completely clammed up weirdo.

I have no idea what I’m doing right now but it’s really entertaining.

I swear to god I’m the only person who’s obsessed with Amanda Bynes and her quarter life crisis.

Alpha Phi formal last night. DON’T TAKE JENN AWAY FROM ME AFTER GRADUATION *creyz

Comp less than one week. wooohoooooooo leggooooo

My legs and fingers are still twitching from the coffee I had to finish my last ever take home final that I submitted at 8am. The only thing running through my mind is the relief (I was able to somehow spit out statistical vomit after celebratory drinks for our final board meeting at 4am) and vapid, girlish excitement for my sorority’s formal tonight. But sitting in the conference room, engaging in awkward conversations with students as they pick up their Meeting of the Minds shirts and watching the intermittent flow of people walking to class, it slowly starts to sink in and while I try to assess my emotions, I’m not 100% sure how I feel. I had my last class ever yesterday and I have a presentation and another final till I’m home free. Part of me feels jaded and the other feels this ridiculous amount of excitement and fear being thrown into the real world. I don’t want to be nostalgic but I’m going to miss this community of ridiculously intelligent and kind people because I feel like it’s going to be hard to find after graduation. I guess it all depends where you end up working but it’s disappointing knowing I won’t find the quirky, random things on campus like people in capes, girls running to class in stilts, mini parades of people dressed in I don’t even know what.

I’m trying my best not to be filled with regret but there so many things I wish I did while I was here and it’s bittersweet having to graduate. During the last board meeting, our board of directors reminisced about their time at CMU and told us stories about lobster boy, their experiences of Carnival, and how they were really upset that P-H-I (so strange that they don’t just say Phi..) was closing down. Hearing them talk about their lives and their classmates going off and making things happen led to Lillian telling us that were two types of people and we should never let ourselves turn into the boring ones. I really need to start appreciating the things I’ve done, stop putting myself down, and stop thinking about what ifs. Everyday is a day to improve yourself if you don’t like where you are right now and if you don’t make a plan for yourself, someone else will.

Anyway, this is getting too emotional for me haaaa so after the FSAE competition in Michigan I have a week off to say good bye to Pittsburgh and my friends but I hate it. I don’t want to say goodbye yet.

I’ve spent the last 15 minutes grabbing my rolls while I rehearse my part for my final board meeting. What is my life.

Wait so..am I actually moving to Los Angeles.

Came across this hilarious photo my mom took of my dad in front of his birthday “cake”. I just wanted to say happy birthday to the one and only man who has put up with my psychotic middle child syndrome for the past 21 years. Love you, dad.

My cat is a derp